I feel in a very strange place, have done for a very long time. It feels as if my whole life is on hold until this op. And then when I wake in the night I toss and turn and think / try to decide what I am going to do with my life after the op. Its mainly work that weighs on my mind. I've been so unfocussed and struggled most of the year really. I am someone who always has a plan, knows where they are going and what they are working towards but that kind of focus has been truly lacking all year. As well as work it's other things....like my weight has crept up a little bit, I'm not nearly so active - havent seen the inside of a gym or been for a run in ages. I dont feel as low as I did do a few months ago, which is great although the mood swings were really more a menopause thing. I just feel stuck, stationary, unable to formulate a plan, grab onto a hook, find focus.
4 days til op. I cannot wait to be out the other side and feel finally able to move on!!
(and hopefully stop waking up at bloomin' 2.59am!!!!!!!)