|Brca1 and me||
Saw a radiographer today as right boob still being naughty. It still looked very much like I had a pool of fluid but after being scanned it looks to be just implant. Well thats what the sonographer said but I'm not convinced. I've seen what these implants look like and they certainly do not jiggle and wobble the way this little area does. Magnificent Mr G is away this week but I shall be voicing my concerns when I see him next week that's for sure.
I met the most amazing woman today. I was at hospital waiting for my appointment, praying to god it would be on time for the first time so that I could make my little boys first ever parent's evening at school. I was sat watching the clock and generally huffing & puffing and feeling 'woe is me'. I noticed a woman come in and wondered why on earth she was there as she looked so very young. Then the breast care nurse asks if she can have a word. In a private room she asks if I would mind meeting with a breast cancer patient who is having the same op as me in a few weeks. Having volunteered to be a 'breast buddy' even before my op I was more than happy to do so. So in walks the woman I had noticed in the waiting room. She is 20. 20 and has cancer - WTF?????????? Cruel, unfair, awful, sad, horrendous....all these words that you might think but not one of them you WOULD think if you met her. I was just bowled over by her bravery, her strength and courage. She was just amazing.
So many girls her age are out there worrying about trivial matters hair, weight, men blah blah blah, yet here she was facing bloody cancer and smiling. Tip of the cap to you lady, tip of the bloody cap!!!
I've thought about her a lot since. And for whatever reason the below quote just sums her up in my eyes.
Boo and bloody hiss to the extreme use of needles today :( OK I'm over exaggerating a smidge, there were just 2 needles but boo to that!
Fluid on the cheeky right boob needed to be drained again. Starting to get a little worried now, the strattice needs to attached to my muscle and the fluid will not help that. I just hope I don't lose the implant.
Also needed a few more stitches put in the incision too (right side - so misbehaved) and Mr G decided he didn't like the how the wound was sitting so whipped out a scalpel, removed a bit of skin and re-stitched it up!!! Oh that man...... But you know what, he's been a miracle worker so far so if he says things need tweaking then they shall damn well be tweaked!!!!!
those bloody godforsaken drains are GONE!!!!!!!!
...I'm a little excited, can you tell?!?!?! Best day ever!!!!!!!
Being a BRCA1 carrier I have opted to 'save the woman' and as a result have had my ovaries removed and most recently a double mastectomy followed by reconstruction. It would be very easy for me to feel that with my breasts gone and being no longer able to have children that all that makes me a women iss gone, taken from me. But I don't. I feel strong, I feel proud and despite my scars I feel beautiful. But I am very lucky because I am surrounded by family & friends who support me. Through my blog I have been in contact with many women who are facing very painful decisions or who have already had surgery and are unable to look in the mirror, who feel scarred, ugly, unloveable, no longer like a woman. This is for them......read it and take it in. You are beautiful, brave and strong xxxxxxxxx
So my right boobie is being naughty! It's not been draining as much fluid as it should be. At my appointment with the marvellous Mr G he was able to show me where the fluid is collecting. Most bizarre watching my new boobie ripple like one of those squidy stress things thats been squeezed too much. So the initial plan was to attach 2 separate chest drain bags to the tubes but that didn't work. So yesterday I was called in for an ultrasound.
I did have a sneaky suspicion they would try and drain the fluid manually, and was indeed correct. Have to say the process wasn't too hideous. My breast is still pretty numb following surgery so I'm sure when they plunged the big bloody needle in it didn't hurt as much as it could have ;) The worst part was it took 4 attempts to find the fluid...ouchie mumma!! Still I had worn my big girl pants and was brave, helped by the fact the gorgeous nurse Selma was there to hold my hand & call me 'poppet' again. Love her so much! I am praying come the day these godforsaken chest drains are removed, that she is the one to do it!
Celebrated my bravery with a small glass of wine & much chocolate :)
So today is PREVIVOR day, a day I can stand up and feel rather awesome that it is being celebrated that myself and all the other previvors out there stood up to cancer and said NO. You will not take me from my child, my friends, my family. Breast & Ovarian cancer you can kiss my tush :)
Girl power, high kick ;)
I MISS MY LITTLE BOY!!!!!!! So bloomin' much. He's living with his daddy while I recover and I'm seeing him for hour visits 2/3 times a week. While I acknowledge I am not currently capable of looking after him it does not stop me missing him with every bit of my being.
This is undoubtably the hardest part being away from my boy. Roll on half term when he moves home and I can squish him again.
Have to say he is being so amazing and brave about it all. I've been very open with him about what I was having done. I told him there is something bad inside mummy that the doctors need to take out so I can stay well. Obviously he's seen the breast drains and wanted to know what they were for. I told him taking the bad stuff away. He keeps asking when he will be able to hug me again - I said he can hug me now but gently and he said he's scared he'll hurt me. Breaks my heart :(
I told his teacher about my op & that he wouldn't be spending as much time with me - just in case he was upset at school - and bless her heart she sent me an amazing letter with pictures letting me know he was doing great and being a super brave boy. What an amazing teacher.